Linda experiences alpha-theta training #1

May 9,2005

My last few neurofeedback sessions have been what Dr. Staso calls "Altered States Training", which is also known as "alpha-theta training". It is different from the other training sessions I have done. It is with eyes closed, and I am listening to different tones while focusing my thoughts on who I want to be. The experience is really interesting. I feel like I am fully conscious, but when my session ends, I realize that I wasn't really. It's like when you are dreaming, and you feel like you are awake and everything is really happening, but then you wake up and realize you were not awake. I'm not actually asleep during the sessions, even though it is a similar sensation. At the first altered states session, Dr. Staso told me to focus on who I want to be, but that at some point my mind would wander and that this was OK. So I thought about wanting to not be so uptight, to be more relaxed and patient, and a lot of other things. I focused on those thoughts as long as I could.

When my mind started to wander, the experience was very different from any of my previous sessions. What would happen is my mind would focus on one thing at a time, like not being so uptight. Then my mind would ask itself why I was so uptight. That question would repeat itself endlessly in my head until my mind resolved it. But it was how it resolved it that was odd to me. I didn't actually hear any answer to the question, but my whole body and mind would go into a state like I was having a nightmare. My body would start tensing up and twitching, and I would start to feel more and more stressed, and although I can't recall seeing any actual images, I had a sensation in my brain that lights were flashing. All of these sensations would get more and more intense until it peaked and then I would be very relaxed. Then my mind would go on to another question, and the whole process would repeat. Even though I would feel a lot of stress throughout the session, my body would let go of it and, by the end of the session, I was very relaxed. I felt really good. I felt like I had resolved a lot of things without my conscious brain really knowing what happened. Which is good, I think. If you can get over a trauma you don't remember without having to remember it, that's all the better.

This question/answer routine that my brain was doing went on during the first two sessions. Since then, when my mind wanders, it doesn't really ask any questions. I'm not as aware of what my mind is thinking about. It's a lot more dreamlike, but I still have the nightmare reactions several times during a session, so I think my mind is still processing things. I am noticing a lot of positive changes. I smile a lot more. People smile at me. I am patient, relaxed; basically, I am becoming the person I want to be. It's great.